sidewalk bagatelle.

On hail.

Austin: if my car gets hailed on...
me: i know, i know you'll choke a baby
some bong-nerd man just told me that was the worst of it just now
i don't know though i think he's high as fuck
Austin: ask him if he wants a cookie.
me: like a dog: "wanna cooookie? you're a good boy, yes you are. you want an entire box of cheez-its? yes, me too. good boy."
Austin: i just think cookie is fun to say. also, his reaction would tell you how high he is.

Oct 1st

If anyone wanted to buy me this skirt, I would bake you...

Oct 1st

I needed a pep talk (for motivation at work), and this is...

Oct 1st

Let's talk about pumpkin, shall we?

I like carving them. I’ll eat the seeds (mostly just because I like salt, and they taste like...

Oct 1st

Workworkwork

Chugchugchug Rageragerage (my afternoon).

Sep 30th

(via gnixremix)

Sep 30th

“I know Windows is awful. Everyone knows Windows is awful....”
— “Microsoft’s...

Sep 30th

Real Simple: One-Day Financial Makeover

Sep 29th

An ode to Microsoft Excel

I. Fucking. Hate. You.

Sep 29th

What does this mean, “I am pet friendly?” That...

Sep 29th

Incredibly profound, and probably always true. (Sometimes strangers can make you feel a lot better...

Sep 28th

Yesterday my deranged family and I went to Curtis Orchard,...

Sep 28th

Alright, I have to post this one as well, because it’s...

Sep 28th

sweethomestyle: (via art-homes) Ideal bedroom situation.

Sep 26th

“Women held 49.83% of the nation’s 132 million jobs in June...”
— 1. Yeahhhhhh 2. Aw, naw. ...

Sep 26th

paigesmith: gorr: Something looks familiar… Just can’t...

Sep 26th

paigesmith: itsalwayssunny: Patrick McElhenney heh.

Sep 26th

I currently have many bed accessories. Including, but not...

Sep 25th

Because I am clearly 12 years old, my first MMS on my iPhone...

Sep 25th

Um, I have 3G?

Whatwhatwhatwhatwha?? I’ve never been more excited. Seriously.

Sep 24th

stfubelievers: “How about this: I’ll pray that your wife...

Sep 23rd

typo180: theduty: how i get down in the kitchen. ...

Sep 22nd

Fashion ad FAIL. (Yes, that says D-bag. And yes, that is...

Sep 22nd

Hey soybean aphids, GET OUT GET OUT GET OUTTTTTTTTTTTTT...

Sep 21st

I am entirely reliant on post-it notes. If the entire...

Sep 21st

Ok, rock and roll. I love you, but these DJ crowds are...

Sep 20th

Laying in bed looking at dinosaurs on my phone. Exciting...

Sep 19th

I don't believe in hell,

but if I did, I’m inclined to believe it would involve too much gin, not enough sleep, and the...

Sep 18th

You know, just in case you were wondering.

Sep 18th

This is how I feel today. (Not pretty).

Sep 18th

At Skream. This is by far the most passionate Pygmalion...

Sep 18th

This is the only one of these worth reblogging. So good,...

Sep 17th

There is something really fucking wrong with this...

Sep 17th

stfumarrieds: anonymous These people kind of make me want...

Sep 17th

New quickie post up at Epic Noms! Just a delicious salad.

Sep 17th

Early Risers Crash Faster Than People Who...

Sep 17th

Choice life advice from my little...

me: i want to get out of here
mikey: why
me: because i'm at work and work is stupid
mikey: oh okay
yeah it is
you should sell drugs instead
me: probably

Sep 16th

I made my first post on Epic Noms. Check it out, it’s...

Sep 16th

"Healthy" Foods That Aren't

Sep 15th

Well, it could be worse. He could be talking about WoW.

Sep 15th

Watch

ljm: WHY ISN’T THIS MY JOB. SOMEBODY MARK ROBERTS MAKE THIS MY JOB TOO. Ohmigod. :40. Go there. I...

Sep 15th

KFC's Double Down Sandwich | Update | The...

Sep 15th

Oh, Mint, you used to be awesome, then you got bought by a...

Sep 15th

Can someone please tell me

Why I am still getting emails to my student account? I don’t care about changes to my student...

Sep 15th

Watch

scenes-from-my-hood: YES. skeptictank: Exactly. Debates are one thing, temper tantrums are...

Sep 14th

Uh, yeah. It’s definitely true. :(

Sep 14th

Epic Noms Collective

Sep 14th

Monday.

I left my wallet on a bus this morning. I took a bus because I didn’t have my bike lock. I...

Sep 14th

OMG this new Gmail theme is blowing my mind.

Sep 12th

Sep 12th

Sep 12th

Fuckin cat thought he was sneaking up on me.

Sep 12th

I am so bad at asking for or accepting...

Today at work, after a month of suggestions from my boss, I finally got someone to help me with my...

Sep 11th

University Of Illinois Researchers Find Link...

Sep 11th

“If you don’t have a credit card, you can use a debit...”
— Brilliant. Who pays with cash...

Sep 11th

Why do I have to be a responsible adult??

Sep 10th

surawesome: Jul/Aug/Sep. AAHHHHH. Girl, I’ll show...

Sep 9th

ledinnerparty: lickystickypickyme: Breakfast is a bitch...

Sep 9th

Hey, assholes.

It is illegal to ride your bicycle on the sidewalk in most places, including here. If I hear...

Sep 6th

Dear Republicans: F**k You.

Sep 6th

typo180: daniellellelle: fuckyeahtattoos: My husband to...

Sep 5th

I think I love Larry David.

He says everything I want to say but could never get away with. (This is not a new revelation. I...

Sep 4th

This may or may not be happening right now.

Sep 2nd

ledinnerparty: surawesome: We’re Pretty Excited (via...

Sep 2nd

In tv news

nmpnmp: The Duggars are having their 19th child. That means pushing 19 babies out of your vag. ...

Sep 2nd

Hey everyone on the Internet, Calm down.

Sep 1st

Today.

Oh, Today. (It deserves a capital ‘t’) Today has been fairly awful. I forgot my phone,...

Sep 1st