Things named from the 'Olive' derivative are nothing but pure evil.
I have found no evidence to the contrary. Olive, Olivia, Oliver. All pure evil.
New rule!
Unless you’re going to count the day of your conception as the first day of your life, you don’t get to use the argument that abortion is murder.
Try asking your parents what day they banged without protection to figure out when your birthday is! Doesn’t that sound fun?
Glad we’re clear.
This is confusing to me, and one of you needs to change.
Simply put, always.
Sorry for the confusion, darling. Would a picture of my bosom be better?
A couple days ago on the el/L
A creepy drugged out man kept offering my friends and me muffins. I figured muffins were some kind of drug, but I looked it up on Urban Dictionary (of course) and found nothing. What are “muffins”? Am I dumb?
Not my problem. I said no.
I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I can say this with relative certainty:
I have a strong feeling there were drugs in the muffins.
Things that you don't even think about but are awesome and should be appreciated.
Where I sit in my office is the perfect temperature.
Like, perfect.
Today my friend was complaining because the heat is broken where he’s working and I realized this. I am so thankful for this perfect temperature that allows me to wear any combination of pants, skirts, t-shirts, sweaters and tights and be comfortable.
So I told him this fact, and this is what he said:
“I’m Elle and I’m in the perfect temperature, and I have a boyfriend and a great job and hair like spun gold. Ooooh.”
And then he called me a whore, and I accepted it.
I know many people are concerned about the destruction of the sanctity of marriage as well. And they view this as a threat. But let me ask you something, ladies and gentlemen: what are we really protecting? When you look at the divorce rate in our society. Turn on the television. We have a wedding channel on cable TV devoted to the behavior of people on the way to the altar. They spend billions of dollars, behave in the most appalling way, all in an effort to be princess for a day. You don’t have cable television? Put on network TV. We’re giving away husbands on a game show. You can watch The Bachelor, where thirty desperate women will compete to marry a 40-year-old man who has never been able to maintain a decent relationship in his life.
“
| — |
-Diane Savino, NY State Senator I am not a fiercely political person, but there is little that I am more passionate about in life than gay marriage. And this woman makes the most sense I’ve ever heard. If you can’t understand her argument, you are crazy. Sad and crazy. |
HUMANS OF THE WORLD
“It’s” means “it is.” “Its” is a possessive. For example:
My grammar is terrible because my elementary school lost all its funding right before I started first grade. It’s a tragedy, I know.
While we’re at it, apostrophes have no place in plurals.
friend: my life has changed
me: ???
friend: today i had to do my first new-agey company team building exercise
me: and you sharted during a trust fall?
friend: god i wish. here. we all had to do this and share: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAoG9MUGaHU
me: i don't even know if i can watch this without barfing
friend: my focus on positve thoughts can vibrate the wheel to affect my life
friend: my boss showed this video to us. seriously. and then we had to do it
me: please tell me that you, your boss, and this throaty creep man are joking
friend: nope
friend: my goal was being able to find tenant's lost rent data
me: I AM A BEAUTIFUL AND BELOVED EXTENSION OF SOURCE ENERGY
If you’re male and you like Twilight, you’re gay. I don’t mean that in the derogatory sense, I mean it in the “you want to put your testicles against another man’s testicles while gripping handfuls of chesthair” kind of way.
Happy Tuesday.
This is my least favorite day of the week, so here’s a picture of me trying to put furniture together, in a bear hat.
I like her style, at least she’s not a Rumi clone like all the other “popular” bloggers out there … I’ll take that any day instead of an AA tee, with some skanky shorts & hooker heels.
“
| — |
(I would like to add that I don’t actually think Jane Aldridge has good style, not at all. But the whole trend of the sloppily-thrown-together-tights-and-tshirt-with-huge-ridiculous-shoes thing has to stop. It only works when you’re really thin, and even then, you just look silly.) |
